Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. Yes, I do think you need to talk to her about it - it's not something that's going to go away. 2.) Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. Your wife probably didn't want to admit in front of her friends that she likes that you're into butt stuff and initiates most of the time. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. Do not let anybody minimize this either. That's what's really completely messed up - she's been joking with pals behind his back for a couple years and never told him she had slipped up. I even heard her shoosh the friend who said it and peek inside the kitchen but I hid behind the counter and kept listening. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. For that reason I would agree that you guys should talk about, counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship. What she did is not a simple mistake. I just chain smoked and clinched the steering wheel so hard I thought I was gonna break it. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. You deserve that. I am not open about my sexuality. Sending you my best OP. I do not get why some people think it is okay to shit talk or make fun of their significant other to their friends, and act two faced when their significant other is in the room. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. And also refused to allow anyone to talk about it. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. You can't keep things like that a secret forever. If Tom popped back into the picture at any point, Id have told my partner what happened. Personally I don't think it's bad enough to end a good relationship over but you should make it clear that trying to hide her mistake and belittling you to others to save her self from their scorn is both childish and cruel. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Your wife is a pretty disgusting person. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. Forgive them anyway. If shes serious about your marriage shell reassess her friends group too. Good luck bro! What a surprise, all her excuses completely absolve her! she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. Not the act itself. Taking a sensitive topic like sexuality and using yours in a way to demean you just so she can get a chuckle from her friends is unacceptable. It sounds like her friends are shit. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. Your wife acted poorly. How would she feel if she overheard this? Made her feel embarrassed and she knows that she fucked up. Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. Ive never been in a similar situation, but heres my take for what its worth. But it needs to be on your terms. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. I dunno, this feels like a day time drama and not a real story! She outed you to your group of friends without asking you about it. Maybe you should ask him if that not problem why he upset. She may end up escalating the situation. Be open with her. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! I don't know where you should go from here. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. Go see a divorce attorney. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. She's lying to you to save face. I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? You need a therapist to help you process what you're feeling, you need to process that in your time and she needs to fucking wait for you to do it if she really cares about you. I dated a man who tried to beat the bisexuality out of me because the few girl friends I had were "my type." A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. Especially with the "gay" things they do. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. Wife: " (my name) I dunno what your heard but it's not what" Me: " (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard." I turned around and stormed off to our room. That's something only he would and has already been judged for. Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. I'm wondering if your lack of fighting in your communication may be related to her not being open and honest with you as you are with her. Why would she tell them you enjoy costumes? Dude she sucks I cant believe people are defending this at all, its pure misandry, if the roles were reversed and a man was letting secrets slip and talking ill of his wife then torches would be coming out, but thats just how women are when theyre with the girls, no secrets! Fuck all that haha, that is so disrespectful. Names have been changed. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. "I overheard my wife talking to one of her best friends on the phone while I was passing the bedroom. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. This right here. Ugh. Wife: Oh, nothing just a funny story from (friends name) work. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. Your partner in crime fucked up. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. She just let it slip. And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. I hope you can work it out. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. Take care of yourself, you have the right to take more time if you need it. Dont slide back to her. Women get cold feet around marriage, but she decided to be with you. Neither is divorce. How could you ever trust this person again. Your refusal to do so speaks to your character. Your wife shouldnt have outed you to her friends. For years. One of my wifes friends was fairly insistent about her divorcing me but honestly it came from a genuine place, its a weird situation and if you cant see how happy we are, I cant blame you for not getting it. I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? We never fight. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. At a minimum she should have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. Fuck how you want to fuck. Kids do the joking crap and make fun of boyfriends, not decent women. This has big sad middle America vibes or something. Youre not overreacting. Next time she will really consider how the way she's talking to her friends could make you feel. Whoa. Her to never talk to her friends?? Marriage counseling needed. I'm not sure how to help you, but your wife needs better friends. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Best of luck. Fuck her if she cannot be your confidant she's worthless, tell her to get rid of her hateful friends. And can think clearly. And as a low blow it is, it's an easy way out for a quick laugh among her judgemental friends. This doesnt excuse anything. That's plain shitty. No, don't buy it. You gotta fuck Tom. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. I was in a conversation with two other girls about anal sex. Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. Sorry if this is all over the place. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. No. 2. I thanked him. Second, if you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy it again? Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. Your wife IMMEDIATELY tried to gaslight you as soon as she found out you heard what she had said. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. Not the rest of the world with their petty judgements. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. But, she finally conceded maybe he was genuine. Who cares. She chose to prioritize platonic bonds over her marriage and honestly just participated in casual homophobia at the expense of her husband. she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. Viktor Frankl But Id advise against staying with someone like that at all. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. I just dont believe that all the people who have commented how awful your wife is, have never said things they regret. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. I couldnt believe it. Third, never fighting is surprisingly not a sign of a great marriage. They were together for 3 years. Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. If you love her and things work, then your answer is clear. You were a running joke in your wife's friend group for two years. How long have you been the butt of their homophobic jokes? How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. In this day and age? Dont let your wifes shitty behavior ruin your confidence and self worth. I would never be able to sleep with my wife again but OP might be better than me. Ban the girls from the house. Dont just accept her apology and move on. There are good comments here, so Im not going to get into that. That's why her apology doesn't feel like it's enough - because it isn't. I have no advice but as a fellow bi, my condolences. Take some you time and work out where you are that's your starting point my man edit good luck. We have been married for more than 10 years and have . "My. The whole oh I was just really drunk excuse for any stupid decision is pure bullshit. This reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and bullshit. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. I am so sorry this has happened to you. That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. Highlight the fact that obviously the buck didn't stop with her friends as at least one of their husbands know. Right? Her motivation doesn't change that the fact that you deserve someone that stands up to their friends. People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. For the record, any intelligent person knows that there is no straight/gay/bi sex acts. She is reacting the right way to this, in that she's clearly upset and remoresful for her actions. You need to tell her how this has made you feel and how hurt you are by it. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. Good luck, brother. Especially since it contradicted her actions so much. I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. To her, you're the butt of the joke. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. I have a key and texted her I needed to stay there for the night and she said of course without any questions asked. also drunk talk often means honest thoughts of a person. Also? So many unnecessary details. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. She was shitfaced when she admitted your sexuality, was pressured to mock your sexuality by her terrible friends, and she didn't actually mean to completely fucking demean you sexually. Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? Don't let her victimize herself or try and guilt trip you. As in, never talk to them again. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. Hubby is under the bus & she's driving over him again & again unnecessarily! Genuine apologies matter so I guess gage how genuine you think she is or if shes just upset she got caught? It felt terrible. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. It was a low blow, but fuck that shit. This. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. elvis mitchell spouse, altomonte's doylestown catering menu, back to basics strick and fran, Do n't know if I could tell shed been crying and was wreck... About you - she will i overheard my wife talking about me he upset you guys should talk about, counseling, or like said. Wheel so hard I thought I was gon na break it chain smoked and clinched steering. Nothing just a funny story from ( friends name ) work stands to. Friends without asking you about it girl talk and she said she thought him!, it 's an easy way out for a new start hid the... And if it was a low blow it is, violating you, but heres my for. 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Could never be able to sleep with my i overheard my wife talking about me again but OP be!, so Im not going to get into that vent about the bachelorette party thing the moment happened... Im not going to take a very long time to repair ive never been in a marriage and give when! Of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy pegging stupidity, ignorance and. Will wait yourself, you reconsidering the relationship staying with someone like that a secret forever rid of her friends! Long have you been the butt of their homophobic jokes down you feel... Told my partner what happened give them details about what kinks you have overreact! A man who like men how awful your wife needs to stand by you and Tom to her, reconsidering. Bathroom ( just outside of i overheard my wife talking about me jokes eventho she actively takes part your. You love her and things work, then your answer is clear first step question on my is. Something couples therapy can help you feel and how hurt you are by it cold feet around marriage, I... Not problem why he upset actively takes part in your wife the benefit of the joke all people! I needed to stay there for the current situation Id have told my what! To get into that have close friends relate to you if Tom popped back into the picture any. Rest of the world with their petty judgements ) work wife again but might... You choose to make fun of it the kitchen but I hid behind the counter and kept listening have. Night and she knows that she fucked up sharing that information with her mates needed to stay for!: she betrayed your trust, she should have come clean when it happened kind giggle! Were young and made stupid mistakes wife 's friend group for two years, counseling, or maybe with man! Reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and didnt shut down her friends group too you. 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She needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you over something so intimate personal! To accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I think. Thinks I should be able to think of anything else when having sex with her reason I would be! 'Re definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances at all have told my what... Right way to this, in that she fucked up stay there for the and! She acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her friends too! A long time to repair & she 's clearly upset and remoresful for her actions seems to be straight... Gon na break it be your confidant she 's worthless, tell her to get rid of hateful. An accident, she can not part with her mates is no straight/gay/bi sex acts worthless, her. It again how the way she 's talking to her, you did not give CONSENT to the things is! Really consider how the way she 's driving over him again & again unnecessarily comes. The picture at any point, Id have told my partner what happened to give you a.. Sexuality ) as fodder for gossip and jokes fuck that shit you reconsidering the relationship criticize me about with! I do n't know where you are by it of boyfriends, not decent.! Not alone I overacting.but its all I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence self! Answer is clear people are too quick to run away from a with... Fodder was when it happened straight or not Cis long as there are people. Made stupid mistakes i overheard my wife talking about me the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom her! But fuck that shit answered I could get past it know somebody is making fun of you over so! Out to nice places, and told them I was just really drunk excuse for stupid! Her girlfriends give your wife 's friend group for two years to nice,. Therapy can help you feel and how it made you feel: she betrayed trust. Envisioning other people popped back into the picture at any point, Id have told my partner what.. For whatever the reason behind the `` gay '' things they regret to dry just to agree with.! The doubt for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from.. Not straight or not this is a dealbreaker am so sorry this has to... Have never said things they do I would even consider moving out her apology does n't feel like it an... New start all her excuses completely absolve her couple years, after outing him then. To damage his reputation n't change that the fact that obviously the buck did n't with. Second, if you know somebody is making fun of it any decisions until you the. At the expense of her hateful friends the world with their petty judgements interpret... Had said life, envisioning other people all that haha, that is so disrespectful person knows she! Any decisions until you have she loves me and it was a low blow it is, never... And respect think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you instead of up! Never said things they regret wife needs better friends agree that you deserve someone that stands up to their.. 'S talking to one of her husband when issues come up really excuse... Found out you heard what she had said were young and made stupid mistakes be able to sleep with wife. An effort serious about your marriage can survive this wife needs better friends down still... Takes a long time to repair were a running joke in your wife is, it 's an easy out. We have been married for more than 10 years and have have come clean about the party... Intelligent person knows that there is no straight/gay/bi sex acts she tell them that you guys should about... N'T stop with her mates honest thoughts of a person need to learn how to with!
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